Them Athabaskan Bastards

An archaeology song which has made the rounds at late-night parties at conferences for more years than I care to admit to is "Them Athabaskan Bastards", sung to the old folk music classic, The Wabash Cannonball. I've sought the lyrics to this song for years; and recently stumbled on them, reproduced in (of all places) Artefacts, the newsletter of the Trans-Vaal Branch of the South African Archaeological Society, provided to that journal by ceramic specialist Nikolaas van der Merwe. (Note--Dr. van der Merwe is not a ceramicist but an archaeological chemist. Your guide is an archaeological dope. See Dr. van der Merwe's letter on page three)
Finally! Enjoy!


Down in Arizona, where scholars’ minds are free,
The theories are all fool proof, as any fool can see
This song it is the story of the greatest one of all
How them Athabaskan Bastards caused the Great Pueblo fall.

They stand up in their classrooms and there they hem and haw,
And tell fantastic stories of surveys that they saw,
When the Apache got there, they do not know at all,
But them Athabaskan Bastards caused the Great Pueblo Fall.

Along the Blue Pacific, along the rock bound shore,
From Columbia to Sonora, we find them evermore.
They were fierce and they were warlike, its known to one and all.
That them Athabaskan Bastards caused the Great Pueblo Fall.

Way down in the southlands lived a sedentary folk,
Who thought of scurvy nomads as something of a joke.
They could not know, they could not see, the meaning to it all.
So them Athabaskan Bastards caused the Great Pueblo Fall.

Throughout the spring and summer, they grew their corn and beans.
Then came the blow that shattered all those great Pueblo dreams.
The burning of the cornfields, it cast a smoky pall,
As them Athabaskan Bastards caused the Great Pueblo Fall.

The lookout saw them coming, his eyes were sharp and true,
They ran back to their pueblos, they pulled up the ladders too.
They theught that they were safe there, but those Bastards scaled the wall.
Yes them Athabaskan Bastards caused the Great Pueblo Fall.

Of all the columns I've written over the years, not many receive comments. On page 2, archaeologist Randy McGuire recalls when he first heard Them Athabaskan Bastards, and Maria Alvarado-Ladd defends her homies. Be sure to read page 3, on which Nikolaas van der Merwe reminisces about when he first heard Them Athabaskan Bastards.

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